I will start with a wish. That I never met you. That summer day on the staircase. And now that I had met you, I wish I wouldn’t have fallen again for the dancing hair, that reminded me of someone (Maybe that was a reminder to me, one which my innocent self, back then, ignored. Kids really are clueless, huh?). And for that chirpy voice, with a laugh on the face, as the Sun. So? Long time no see. And how long has it been? Since we last talked. My guess is somewhere between 9-10 years. Its hazy. Just like the kiss we shared… (aaahh… it’s still embarrassing), okay, maybe we were just caught up in the act we were playing. And maybe it was just normal, what followed. However, I remember many other things about you, apart from that kiss. *sigh* Okay. It was childish. We were barely seven then…
You had short dancing hair, probably because you were dancing around 24 hours a day. Always dragging us out, into your pretend games (Hahah. You were a lousy secretary, by the way. :P). Crying at smallest of things. Arrogant. Competitive( we got into fights a lot for that…) We got along the best. And so did we fought. I remember once we didn’t talk for a whole week, because you had taken my favorite exam board( Wow! We seriously had favorite EXAM BOARDS, huh??). Uncle had to resolve the matter by trading my exam board with your exam board and a big Froggie eraser. (I still have them both, and the eraser still has its sweet smell, like your memories, just that time has added a bit sorrow into it.) We were closer after that one week.
Haha! Time flies, as they say. It was the summer of 2008, I think. That we shifted. After the construction of your house next door completed, and we had fulfilled the games of hide and seek in it for almost an year. One summer day, we finished packing up, which stretched since a month, and the house was so empty, that we could hear our breaths reverberated. It was sad. Sadder than leaving behind our then school. Sadder than losing a toy, with which we grew up with. Sadder than coming last at the sports festival race. But not sadder than saying goodbye to you. And definitely not sadder than meeting years after, with your eyes through me, as if I was thin air, non-existent. I think you cried back then, when we left. And so did I. And maybe, we waved hands at each other until the turn separated us visually. What’s funny is that I grew up thinking, that the turn separated us only visually. Hah. But that wasn’t true, was it? That separated us. Severed everything about us. I wish I was also affected by it. That crossroad. But I wasn’t. I carried the scene of that sunlit staircase everywhere, every time… what a fool I was. Expecting too much. I still wonder where did all that vanish away. Your feelings from then. That cheerful glee, and those sparkling eyes. Is that what life does to us? Erases things, as easily as mistakes off a whiteboard? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t be writing all this (in self-pity?? I don’t know anymore.), if that was the case. Or maybe life didn’t do all that, what it did to you… somewhere within I still pray it’s the latter. But that look in your eyes, it defies all my prayers. I wish I could wipe it off my mind, like a mistake.
Maybe that’s how life goes, unpredictable, disappointing… I think I couldn’t say I love you, even somewhen if I did… After all everyone have things they can’t say to people, haven’t they? Maybe we are bound to carry some regrets forever, and some nightmares… because sadly, but in fact, life is not a whiteboard, with mistakes on it. Some accept the mistakes, some die trying to correct them, and some ‘change’ correcting them…
I’ll rephrase my wish:
“I wish I hadn’t met you. At least after all these years. And now that I had, I wish I wouldn’t remember your name…”
A whiteboard mistake, which you corrected.